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Invasion Krew
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Invasion Krew
By Len Spencer, photos by Invasion Krew (Cindy Hiltz, Janice MacKenzie, Kimberly Penny and Richard Breau)
Every good story needs a hero and we’re going to call ours Captain Jeff. Back in the day in Upper Canada, Captain Jeff was young, vibrant, and leading a life that was essentially all fun and games, until he lost an eye.
There are many who would have thrown in the towel, raised the white flag, and folded the tent, but not the Captain. Instead, he moved to Nova Scotia and subsequently met Miss Cindy. An avid off-roader, he magnanimously offered to park his Jeep (the aptly-named Pirate Ship), and occupy the passenger seat in the bone stock TJ Sport driven by Miss Cindy. Little did they know that only a decade later, they would be standing in the back of this very same Jeep (now running a 4-in LA, TJ Rubicon axles, 4:10’s, RCV’s, 33x12.50x15 KM2’s, and an 8274) in front of a roaring crowd, with one of them wearing 5-inch stiletto heels and a jaunty hat, exchanging wedding vows before the fireworks (conjugal or otherwise) started.
Our story begins on another morning, where the aforementioned Captain, wakes up at 03h00, and decides to invite a couple hundred P.O.R.N. Krew members to a superlative late-July weekend of wheeling in Nova Scotia’s sublime Annapolis Valley. A weekend filled with car crushing, an RTI ramp, mud pit, a huge prize draw, live music, ten trails (beginner to rock buggy), fireworks, a pirate-themed wedding, and an excruciatingly handsome MC. From the throne, the couch, or wherever you find yourself at this very moment, read on for a recounting of the 1st Annual Pirate Off-Road Nation Valley Invasion.
The Pirate Off-Road Nation hosted the P.O.R.N. Valley Invasion 2016 at Heidi Tupper’s Fox Mountain Camping Park in Aylesford, NS. What the hell is this Pirate Off-Road Nation? Well, if you were to search on Facebook for Pirate Jeep Productions, you will find the home of the Pirate Off-Road Nation. It is home to almost 10,000 members and has chapters in every province, a significant number of U.S. states, and members in over a dozen countries worldwide.
The larger Pirate Off-Road Nation is owned/founded by Jeff and Cindy Hiltz, and with your intrepid writer as GM and wedding MC, just hosted what will be the first of many P.O.R.N. Invasions. The Nation is brand-friendly, believing that off-roading is not just a brand but also a lifestyle. For this event, the Pirate Off-Road Nation brought in new local and national off-road vendors catering to Jeep, Dodge, Ford, Chevy, and Toyota, as well as long-time supporters from the Atlantic Canadian off-road scene. There were participants from as far away as Florida to the south, Alberta to the west, and the U.K. to the east. There was coarse language and carousing befitting a pirate gathering, but more importantly, there was fun, food, fellowship, and a real coming together of like-minded and passionate people.
The Captain’s vision was an event that ran from registration on Thursday evening through to closing ceremonies on Saturday evening, notwithstanding the surprise wedding we sprang on the gathered masses at the last moment. That was the official timeline. We got there early on Wednesday to prepare for the attendees, and by the time we arrived and got to work, there were already a few keeners onsite. We stopped for the night on Wednesday after working a full day in the blazing 34-degree Annapolis Valley sunshine, with the tent set up and half of the event participants already there, eager to get the party started. Sometimes getting an event of this magnitude off the ground and organized onsite can have more ups and downs than a new bride’s pyjamas. The Krew members were immediately conscripted into yeoman’s service.
On Thursday evening the people got their swag bags at registration, vehicles inspected for the trails, met the red-shirted trail guides, learned the rules, and got on with the countdown to wheeling on Friday morning. Friday morning was a thing of beauty to see over 100 rigs of all shapes, makes, and sizes, ready to set sail and do battle with mud, granite, and everything in between. When the ships had mostly set sail, there were a few pirates remaining in port. Why? So they could receive wheeling 101 instruction from yet another off-roading expert lacking depth perception. Mr. John Cranfield, a Brit no less, is a man of renown, a seasoned off-roader, and an off-road mentor to the P.O.R.N. event management team. Mr. Cranfield would regale the group with tales of off-road adventure and derring-do while imparting knowledge on all manner of topics from T-case operation, water crossings, tire pressure, HiLift jack safety (see one-eyed reference earlier), and the capabilities of a well-driven off-road vehicle.
I mention the instruction given to the uninitiated because it brings me to the car crushing I mentioned earlier. In any given drawer, there are butter knives and steak knives. We had a particularly sharp one in the Invasion drawer. Marcella B. did something we’ve never seen before… she did the 101, listened closely, took the lessons to heart, strapped herself into Dad’s TJ Rubicon (the Hulk), and was one of the first drivers to make it over the cars during the car-crushing portion of the event. Then, as if that wasn’t enough, she won a hot-pink kinetic recovery rope in the prize draw.
As the weekend progressed, there were stories of flops, carnage, and newly confident and proficient drivers coming in hard and fast from all corners of the venue, but those stories will have to wait for Valley Invasion 2016 Part 2. The event came off to rave reviews, not unlike a T-shirt at Mardi Gras. So much so, that P.O.R.N. may have to include beads in the swag bags for 2017.
Tickets go on sale for Valley Invasion II (July 27-29, 2017) on December 1st, 2016 and we are expecting a sell-out. See you there!